Revision as of 22:27, 3 January 2012

Proofreader: jdob

Page 2: Consider splitting bullet point three into two sentences, it's awkwardly long with so many "and" joins. Suggestion: "The social relationships we build at FUDCon will help our work in Fedora go more smoothly and help build more trust within our community. Our relationships are as important as the technical achievements we make here."

Page 2: "... provided to you as a convenience and do not indicate..." Remove the comma before the "and".

Page 3: Either I mistyped http://ur1.ca/7018c or it's pointed to the wrong location. Actually, none of the ur1.ca links on that page seem to be working for me. The one on page 4 about blogging does, however, work correctly.

Page 4: "The legal drinking age in Arizona" Missed copy/paste from last year's FUDCon, we're in Virginia this year :)

Page 02, first column, second bullet - can change "See" to "Refer to" as a sighted-agnostic verb.
Page 04, first column, first paragraph - can change serial list to include final comma: "... IRC, email, or phone."
Page 04, second column, first paragraph - the CLA is now the Fedora Project Contributor Agreement (or FPCA). Regardless, FAS and FPCA could be spelled out first; if someone doesn't already have a FAS account, will they know what that TLA means?
Page 05, entire page - could be re-written in active voice. Examples:
- "... at McBryde 100 we begin pitches ..." instead of "... at McBride 100 we will begin pitches ..."
- "... each participant has the opportunity ..." instead of "... each participant will have the opportunity ..."
- "... participants quickly vote ..." instead of "... participants will quickly vote ..."
Page 05, paragraph 6 - s/see page 6/refer to page 6/
Page 05, final paragraph - serial list fixes: "... dynamic, engaging, and information-packed ..."; "... collaboration, flexibility, and user-driven ..."
Page 06, first paragraph - serial list fix: "... blog, converse, and travel ..." - unless you meant that people can only "converse and travel" and not "converse and/or travel".
Page 08 is missing a giant dancing hot dog.

@@ Line 10: / Line 10: @@
 * Page 6: There is no need for a hyphen in "ten-minute".
+== Proofreader: quaid ==
+* Page 02, first column, second bullet - can change "See" to "Refer to" as a sighted-agnostic verb.
+* Page 04, first column, first paragraph - can change serial list to include final comma: "... IRC, email, or phone."
+* Page 04, second column, first paragraph - the CLA is now the Fedora Project Contributor Agreement (or FPCA). Regardless, FAS and FPCA could be spelled out first; if someone doesn't already have a FAS account, will they know what that TLA means?
+* Page 05, entire page - could be re-written in active voice. Examples:
+** "... at McBryde 100 we begin pitches ..." instead of "... at McBride 100 we will begin pitches ..."
+** "... each participant has the opportunity ..." instead of "... each participant will have the opportunity ..."
+** "... participants quickly vote ..." instead of "... participants will quickly vote ..."
+* Page 05, paragraph 6 - s/see page 6/refer to page 6/
+* Page 05, final paragraph - serial list fixes: "... dynamic, engaging, and information-packed ..."; "... collaboration, flexibility, and user-driven ..."
+* Page 06, first paragraph - serial list fix: "... blog, converse, and travel ..." - unless you meant that people can only "converse and travel" and not "converse and/or travel".
+* Page 08 is missing a giant dancing hot dog.