Revision as of 19:44, 3 January 2012

Proofreader: jdob

Page 2: Consider splitting bullet point three into two sentences, it's awkwardly long with so many "and" joins. Suggestion: "The social relationships we build at FUDCon will help our work in Fedora go more smoothly and help build more trust within our community. Our relationships are as important as the technical achievements we make here."

Page 2: "... provided to you as a convenience and do not indicate..." Remove the comma before the "and".

Revision as of 19:43, 3 January 2012 (view source) Jdob (talk \| contribs) No edit summary ← Older edit		Revision as of 19:44, 3 January 2012 (view source) Jdob (talk \| contribs) No edit summary Newer edit →
Line 3:		Line 3:
	* Page 2: Consider splitting bullet point three into two sentences, it's awkwardly long with so many "and" joins. Suggestion: "The social relationships we build at FUDCon will help our work in Fedora go more smoothly and help build more trust within our community. Our relationships are as important as the technical achievements we make here."		* Page 2: Consider splitting bullet point three into two sentences, it's awkwardly long with so many "and" joins. Suggestion: "The social relationships we build at FUDCon will help our work in Fedora go more smoothly and help build more trust within our community. Our relationships are as important as the technical achievements we make here."

	* Page 2: "... provided to you as a convenience and do not indicate..." No comma before the "and".		* Page 2: "... provided to you as a convenience and do not indicate..." Remove the comma before the "and".